When children suffer from nightmares, any loving parent will do their best to comfort them.
When a child repeatedly gets into trouble, and gets caught multiple times, any loving parent would deal with this disobedience.
But-
think it not strange, when these things happen over and over.
I heard a preacher deal with this many years ago, and now, with 6 children of my own, I've seen it first hand.
A child who gets up repeatedly asking questions about sin, death, and hell- is often under conviction. The Holy Spirit is drawing him to come to our Lord. That is a GOOD thing! However, easily missed and dismissed by a parent who wants to sincerely offer comfort. Comfort is a good thing but false comfort can be given. A parent once told me that they regretted the way they dealt with one of their children when he was younger. The parent said the child was afraid of hell for several nights and the parent told them that God wouldn't send a little boy to hell. The parent said they regretted not telling that child how to be saved that night and waiting til the child was in his teens to do so.
A teen who repeatedly gets "caught" in his troubles is a GOOD thing! How so? Well, it means that God has their number. The same parent above said they found great comfort during their child's teen years because it seemed the child got "caught" every single time they did something wrong. They said they knew that God was hearing their prayers and protecting their child. Now certainly it is no time to rest, when a child is acting up; but there's GREAT comfort in knowing that their heavenly Father is not letting them by and His all-seeing eyes are upon them.
2 Chr 16:9 For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him.
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Donna, What happens when the child is now an adult and makes choices that we do not agree with? Or now has 'beliefs' that are not what they used to have? At this point, as the parent, other than praying do we have any options? And if prayer is our (my) only option then why do I feel so concerned about this? Shouldn't prayer help me with these concerns? Can you believe I used so many question marks in this comment?
ReplyDeleteMillie,
ReplyDeleteExcellent questions! But I do not have all the answers :-).
I can tell you a few things about what I've learned however!
My oldest is 17 and I have yet to have an adult child. But there are things that I've learned from others.
Being "mom" is who we are but there does seem to come a time, when children reach a certain age, that we can over-mother. There is a difference in 'mothering' and advising because we love them-and controlling them because 'we said so'. Somewhere in there is the line I think. If we try to control- that's not healthy and will push them away or cause trouble in their relationships. If we just give advice and love them regardless, then we build relationships. (And disagreements can be had safely in a good relationship.)
But-
if the adult child grows up and moves back home or is still in the home and chooses a life that would wrongly influence younger siblings in the home, then I think a more drastic action might be necessary.
There is such a thing as 'tough love'. You know that kind I'm sure- It says something like this; "if you continue to do this, then I have to do....."
Have you read any Dobson books?
How about the "Boundaries" books from Minrith-Meier?
Prayer plus action is sometimes right,
but other times, prayer alone is all that we have. But oh what a great thing it is!
Millie, you can email me if you like as this is not so private. laptopmail(at)twlakes.net